Wooow. It's been a whiiiile. My recent trip to Manila made me miss writing. So much! It's been more than a year since I started working, eight months since we moved here in Cebu and I must say, it was one helluva year!
I have transitioned from being a full-time stay at home mom to becoming a call center agent (part time blogger), to becoming a boss to 27 persons with different smell, behavior, habit, perspective, motivation ,reasoning skills, and level of understanding. Yes, some just doesn't give so much shit about hygiene.
If you do not know me personally, you should know that I am an only child. As an only kid at home to a perfectionist and conservative mother, who is by the way a teacher by profession, everyday is a living-up-to-her-expectations day. Topping a class, perfecting an exam, you name it. All the geeky achievements, I had it. And everytime I take home a medal, I feel validated. Maybe my love language is Words of Affirmation but you do not get those on parenting department, not even on marriage. Who gets an award for giving your kid a bath even after a hard days work? Or should I say after a hard nights work? Who gets a trophy for calling in sick at work just to attend to your husband's demanding schedule? Nobody. I sometimes feel like I have done so much work in a day, yet nobody realizes the importance of the role that I am playing in their lives. I know this post sounds very egoistic - so many I's and so much talking about myself but that is exactly what I'm feeling right now. I think I need a validation from anyone that hey biatch! You're doing a fuckin' awesome job! Keep it up! I sometimes would imagine what would happen if I intentionally miss the deadline for my agent's payroll or if I don't compromise with my husbands schedule, or maybe...if I suddenly disappear without a word. Are they gonna get by?
My life experiences taught me not to give a shit to whatever others may think of me. I have mastered the art of just avoiding acquaintances just because I DO NOT want to be involved in their lives. I DO NOT want to hear their dramas. I have had enough dramas I could not take another drama anymore! But when you get this kind of job, where you handle actual people, who trusts you(?), who you have to talk to and ask why they were always late, why they had to drop the fuckin' call, why the hell they forgot to log into their timesheet - and they start telling you about their lives. That shit I have been avoiding for so long I forgot to how care. And then unknowingly I started caring for these 27 lives! When you have these much kids under your care, and you still manage to play with your own child, go out on a date with your husband, or take your parents to the clinic for their executive check-up, a little pat on the back would be very nice. And I say that with a dramatic enunciation on VERY nice.
Well I guess I knew the answer from the very beginning. Yes, they will get by without me. And yes, I know what exactly I have to do - convince myself I do not need a validation? No. That would be lying to myself. Just do what we ought to do. Do it right and do it with passion.